Conditional Love? No Thanks

I love you, except...

I belong to an organization that is debating whether we believe everybody is welcome, they can come as they are. The organization's founding was based on critical thinking and being open to everyone. That may change. Anyone can still join, but to fully participate, you will need to adhere to certain lifestyle standards. There varying degrees of critical and passive thinking at work here. Unconditional love suddenly has conditions applied to it.

Critical Thinking

According to credentials.deakin.edu.au, critical thinking is the ability to make informed decisions by evaluating several different sources of information objectively. As such, critical thinkers possess many other essential skills, including analysis, creativity, problem-solving and empathy.

Passive Thinking

According to exploremindfulness.wodrpress.com The thoughts we have as a result of those are what would be classified as “passive thoughts”. It is essentially living in the moment and fully experiencing a certain stimuli. Active thoughts, however, are much more complex than passive thoughts. Active thinking is a form of critical thinking. Passive thinkers are more likely to take the words on a page literally.

WHAT IS CONDITIONAL LOVE? (Treehouserecovery)

Conditional love doesn’t feel very nice. In fact, it doesn’t always feel like love at all. When someone loves us conditionally, it means that they put terms, restrictions, or rules on the giving of their love. While a person can have feelings of deep care or affection for you, their love is conditional if it feels like you have to earn it. Additionally, conditional love often vanishes during difficult times. We can perhaps term this “fairweather love,” meaning that your partner, family member, or friend, emotionally or literally bails when times get tough. Conditional love doesn’t feel good. It’s not a tried-and-true love and often it can cause deep pain to those on the receiving end. If someone is making you feel unworthy of love, even at your darkest times, this person is offering conditional love which, as we will learn, is contrary to the very definition of love.

WHAT IS UNCONDITIONAL LOVE? (Treehouserecovery)

Like many truly spiritual and transcendent things, unconditional love is difficult to describe. To put it simply, it’s love without conditions, limits, or barriers. In unconditional love, there is no sense of: “I will love you if…” or “I will only love you when you behave differently.” Unconditional love is boundless and it’s often compared to the kind of love that God (or the universe) has for us. There’s no sense of owing or repayment. Love is given freely and without cost. Unconditional love is not an exchange, it’s an offering. Unconditional love is deeply healing because it means we are seen and accepted for who we are, even during our most difficult times.

Healthline offers more on the benefits of unconditional love:

It can benefit emotional health

A small 2009 study explored the brain regions activated by feelings of unconditional love. The results of the study suggest that unconditional love activates some of the same areas of the brain’s reward system that romantic love does.

It feels secure

Unconditional love can provide a sense of security in both childhood and adulthood. Feeling confident in someone’s love and knowing it won’t go away can help create secure attachments and foster autonomy, independence, and self-worth.

It’s altruistic

Altruism refers to helpful actions taken to support and benefit others, often at your own expense. In terms of unconditional love, altruism means you don’t consider any potential benefits of loving someone. You offer your love for their support and benefit.

It involves acceptance and forgiveness

People aren’t perfect, and nearly everyone makes a few choices they regret. Unconditional love, however, requires unconditional acceptance.