Dealing with Racism at the Table

 You're gathered around the table. Then, somebody says something racist. Perhaps it was meant as a joke. It's mean, not humor. Unfortunately, confronting the commenter head on may not work. 

The hard part is the comment is a personal affront to your values. A response that attacks the racist won't deescalate the issue. Their reaction will be defensive, and the confrontation could easily spiral out of control. Instead focus on the issue. 

I found some replies on WebMD that don't let the offensive remark slide, but offer some space before dealing with the issue more directly.

Health & Balance/Feature Stories

What to Say When Someone Says Something Racist

Medically Reviewed by Melinda Ratini, MS, DO on July 23, 2021Written by Candina Jordan

Listen

It can be hard to know how to respond when someone makes a racist comment, especially if they are close to you or in a position of power over you. There are several different responses to racist remarks that you can use. The response you choose when talking with family members or friends may be different from that you choose when talking with a work colleague. 

Plan Ahead

It can take courage to stand up to someone who makes a racist comment or joke. Resolving to be someone who speaks up for others might help you overcome any awkwardness you feel about confronting racism. It can also help if you decide ahead of time that you won't tolerate racial slurs or derogatory remarks. ‌

It's easy to get caught off guard when you hear a derogatory remark in a situation where you aren't expecting it. You may not be able to think of an appropriate thing to say quickly enough. Memorizing some responses may help you prepare for the next time you find yourself in that situation. Pick a few phrases, and practice saying them until it feels comfortable. ‌

Here are some simple phrases you can use as responses to racist remarks: 

That's not how we do things here. 

That's not funny to me.

That sounds racist. 

That was not necessary. 

Is the person’s race relevant to your story? 

I'm sorry, what?

I need a moment to process that. 

Let's be careful that our words are respectful of everyone. 

Racial jokes are not okay. 

That comment makes me uncomfortable. 

Maybe you don't realize the impact of your words. 

If these don't work, maybe a pie fight?

Just to be clear, all that racist rhetoric used by Trump and his surrogates was not okay. It still isn't.