Words

 

Sticks and Stones

They can injure, they can heal, they can start a movement.

Rash words are like sword thrusts,  but the tongue of the wise brings healing.  Proverbs 12:18 

We must believe in the power and strength of our words. Our words can change the world.

- Malala Yousafzai

I was at a gathering last week where two older white guys were lamenting that they couldn't use humor anymore. What they meant was, they could no longer tell racists or denigrating ethnic jokes, without somebody objecting. This issue comes up all the time with these two. 

What they don't realize is the targets of their comments were pretty much voiceless in the past. The insults hurt as much then as they do now.

Self-Loathing

Psychiatrist Grant Hilary Brenner wrote about the corrosive habits people develop in how they relate to themselves, and others. Some labels, for instance, come from toxic places. (6 hurtful words you should stop using, according to a psychiatrist) The article first appeared as blog post for Psychology Today. These words we often use as self criticism, but then turn them around aimed at others.

Here's Brenner's list:

1. Lazy · 

2. Bored · 

3. Hypocrite · 

4. Spoiled · 

5. Stupid · 

6. Selfish.

When we use words to denigrate others, it might be self-loathing. The bully is often the victim of bullying. The abuser is often the victim of abuse. 

Webster's defines bully as a blustering, browbeating person especially : one who is habitually cruel, insulting, or threatening to others who are weaker, smaller, or in some way vulnerable. 

Webster's defines an abuser as some one who uses harsh, insulting language an angry and abusive crowd. b : harsh and insulting abusive language. c : using or involving physical violence or emotional cruelty abusive behavior an abusive husband an abusive relationship.

Witnessing 

Hurtful words can be overt or subtle. No matter the intention, they are hurtful. If you discover your words are hurtful, do you continue to use them? If you discover something you said is not ok, do you keep going there? Obviously, these questions are rhetorical, but if you're able to apply the brakes, realize you're headed down the wrong path, realize your mistake, you're at that place where you realize your words have consequences. 

Then you're on a new plane. You've elevated to a higher level of awareness.

So, what should we do when we witness others behaving badly? Silence isn't really an option. Here's some advice from Proverb's:

“Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.”

Change is incremental.  It can only come about if we are willing to change what we do first. When the time comes, be willing to speak up.