Victim-Blaming

It's your own damn fault for being there! 

"Does one deserve to have evil done to her by consequence of putting herself where evil can reach her?"

-Brandon Sanderson

It took mere minutes for the Trump Administration to cast the fatal shooting of Renee Good as something she was asking for...victim-blaming. It was a pretense to justify bad acts.

Explaining The Just-World Phenomenon

The Very Well Mind 

Why do people (not just politicians and leaders) do this? Why do they dodge reality and deflect blame? Why couldn't we all admit the shooting is concerning, and they've begun an investigation into the incident, and a review of deadly force protocols? The first question for me, is this the bad act of an individual, or endemic to ICE? It might be because they no longer have control of the message, and control of the narrative is more important than anything else. 

It seems there are no longer any adults in the room.

Psychology Today examines the reasons for victim- blaming.

• A new study suggests a subset of people seemingly derive enjoyment from victim-blaming: “everyday sadism.”
• Victim blaming may occur because people are motivated to see the world as a just place.
• Lack of empathy for victims is another factor that can increase blame.

The article in Psychology Today concludes, Whether driven by fear, lack of empathy, or other factors, victim-blaming can compound victims’ suffering by shaming and stigmatizing them, and it can reduce the accountability of those responsible for causing harm, making harmful acts more likely to continue. Though victim-blaming is pervasive and difficult to combat, noticing and challenging it in all of its forms can help to reduce its power.

What is the Just-World according to The Very Well Mind?

The just-world phenomenon is the tendency to believe that the world is just and that people get what they deserve. Because people want to believe the world is fair, they will look for ways to explain or rationalize injustice, often blaming the person in the situation who is actually the victim. This phenomenon explains why people sometimes blame victims for their own misfortune, even when they have no control over the events that befall them.

The Very Well Mind lays out real-world examples.

• Religion: A classic example of this tendency is found in the Bible's Book of Job. In the text, Job suffers a series of terrible calamities. At one point, his former friend suggests that Job must have done something terrible to have deserved his misfortunes. Research has shown a strong link between the just-world viewpoint and religiosity.3
• Crime: More modern examples of the just-world phenomenon can be seen in many places. Victims of sexual assault are often blamed for their attack, as others suggest that it was the victim's own behavior that caused the assault. 
• Discrimination: Another example of the just-world phenomenon is when people blame the victims of hate crimes.4 For instance, in cases of police violence against Black individuals, some say there are just "a few bad apples" in the police force. But this denies the reality of the victim's experience and the role systemic racism plays in the violence.
• Moral judgements: The just-world phenomenon is also apparent in discrimination and moral judgment against people with HIV or AIDS.5 Some people believe that those living with HIV or AIDS do not deserve access to high-quality healthcare, for instance, because they are "to blame" for their illness.6
• Poverty: People living in poverty often face prejudice and are blamed for their circumstances. If the world is fair, people living without adequate resources are simply not doing something right, the just-world argument suggests. This outlook ignores the role of factors like economic inequalities, lack of access to resources, trauma, and racism.

The Very Well Mind also suggests what we can do as individuals to avoid the just-world phenomenon.

• Practice empathy: Instead of stewing in anger or irritation about someone else's situation, try having compassion for what they're going through. Understanding others' emotions may actually lower your own stress levels as well.7
• Avoid victim-blaming: Victim-blaming is something many of us do without realizing it. But remember, only the perpetrator of a crime is responsible for their actions.8

  Magalhães Tavares S, Pimentel CE, Pereira CR. How belief in a just world and secondary victimization relate to victim-perpetrator disparities in reparation demands in cases of gender-based violence. J Soc Psychol. doi:10.1080/00224545.2025.2600031

   There are also many external factors that contribute to homelessness and poverty, for instance. Don't assume you know why negative things happen to someone.
• Learn about social injustice: By educating yourself on social inequalities, you'll find that people are subjected to harsh realities every day. Our biases and prejudices can keep us from seeing the truth. When you find yourself judging someone's situation, ask yourself if your outlook is affected by racism, sexism, ageism, or discrimination of any kind.
• Consider the source: When you hear a story on the news, asking yourself some of the following questions can shift your perspective: Whose story is being told? Am I hearing more than one perspective or only one person's viewpoints? Is it possible I'm not hearing the full story or all of the details?
• Explore your emotions: Underneath your judgment of someone else's circumstance, you might find fear and anxiety because you worry that what happened to them can happen to you, too. Process your emotions and be gentle with yourself.

Words

 

Sticks and Stones

They can injure, they can heal, they can start a movement.

Rash words are like sword thrusts,  but the tongue of the wise brings healing.  Proverbs 12:18 

We must believe in the power and strength of our words. Our words can change the world.

- Malala Yousafzai

I was at a gathering last week where two older white guys were lamenting that they couldn't use humor anymore. What they meant was, they could no longer tell racists or denigrating ethnic jokes, without somebody objecting. This issue comes up all the time with these two. 

What they don't realize is the targets of their comments were pretty much voiceless in the past. The insults hurt as much then as they do now.

Self-Loathing

Psychiatrist Grant Hilary Brenner wrote about the corrosive habits people develop in how they relate to themselves, and others. Some labels, for instance, come from toxic places. (6 hurtful words you should stop using, according to a psychiatrist) The article first appeared as blog post for Psychology Today. These words we often use as self criticism, but then turn them around aimed at others.

Here's Brenner's list:

1. Lazy · 

2. Bored · 

3. Hypocrite · 

4. Spoiled · 

5. Stupid · 

6. Selfish.

When we use words to denigrate others, it might be self-loathing. The bully is often the victim of bullying. The abuser is often the victim of abuse. 

Webster's defines bully as a blustering, browbeating person especially : one who is habitually cruel, insulting, or threatening to others who are weaker, smaller, or in some way vulnerable. 

Webster's defines an abuser as some one who uses harsh, insulting language an angry and abusive crowd. b : harsh and insulting abusive language. c : using or involving physical violence or emotional cruelty abusive behavior an abusive husband an abusive relationship.

Witnessing 

Hurtful words can be overt or subtle. No matter the intention, they are hurtful. If you discover your words are hurtful, do you continue to use them? If you discover something you said is not ok, do you keep going there? Obviously, these questions are rhetorical, but if you're able to apply the brakes, realize you're headed down the wrong path, realize your mistake, you're at that place where you realize your words have consequences. 

Then you're on a new plane. You've elevated to a higher level of awareness.

So, what should we do when we witness others behaving badly? Silence isn't really an option. Here's some advice from Proverb's:

“Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.”

Change is incremental.  It can only come about if we are willing to change what we do first. When the time comes, be willing to speak up.

 

Workplace Bullying

 

Should I stay, or should I go?

I found some advice on ToughNickle.com on the subject of workplace bullies. It's something I wish I had found years ago. Knowing I was being bullied, and knowing it was not my fault was not enough. I'm sharing in the hope that you can be more proactive than I was. Sticking around had it's rewards, but I really question if it was worth it.

How Long Is Too Long to Stay at a Job Where You're Being Bullied?

According to Marianne Worthington, the founder of Work Warrior, a business that helps companies build healthy workplaces, "Three to six months. If the target is documenting appropriately, that timeframe should allow them to see if management or HR is going to act on their complaint." But if management is the bully in your case, then she recommends looking for another job as soon as possible.

Deb Falzoi, who educates employees, employers, and therapists about the dynamics of workplace bullying, "Workplace bullying works like domestic abuse—targets often don't see the abuse until their self-esteem and health have already begun to deteriorate, since abusers often convince targets they're the problem. So once targets realize they've been bullied, they have already been in the job too long. At that point, the goal is to preserve their health."