Are you listening?

I speak english in this tale, but they don’t listen, / so I speak in fireballs, the language they hear, / the nightmare they dropped, the monster they created.

- Bao Phi, “The Godzilla Sestina”

 There are those unwilling to listen. How we speak and what we say should make a difference, but in many cases it does not. Their hearts are hardened. They seem more interested in confrontation. They are estranged from us by what? Ideology?

Since giving up means giving over control to those consumed with themselves, where do we take this?  We start with those who are willing to engage in discourse. It begins with questions, and lots of listening.  

Using our language against someone leads nowhere.

We often need to have difficult conversations about things we disagree on to reach solutions, particularly with family, partners, and close friends. Sarah DiGiulio is a New York City-based writer and editor who covers psychology, mental health, fitness and sleep, among other health and wellness topics. She's come up with nine tips for talking to people you disagree with.

1. Decide if you want to go there. ...
2. Ask if you can ask about it. ...
3. Keep it neutral. ...
4. Start off the conversation with understanding. ...
5. Look for where you agree. ...
6. Talk less. ...
7. Avoid using the word 'but' ...
8. Tell stories ...
9. Resist the current vogue to be provocative ...

Simply saying, "Let's agree to disagree," is not a solution. It sets up barriers. There's no chance of finding common ground. The solution may take on Biblical proportions. "If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, leave that home or town and shake the dust off your feet." -Matthew 10:14 

There will always those who refuse to hear. It's not your fault.