Hate

 Lack of Love is Indifference

"paradise is a world where everything / is sanctuary & nothing is a gun."

- Danez Smith, "summer, somewhere"

I looked at postings from the supporters of Donald Trump, and I understand they will never find sanctuary as long as they hold onto hate. Is it hyperbole, sometimes.

At other times, the hate and rage easily lapses into violence.

At a Trump rally in 2022, a Trump supporter explained that in the coming civil war he would murder his Sister, a Democrat, without hesitation. In 2020 there was the incident when a Trump caravan intentionally harassed a Biden/Harris campaign bus. Tailgating with the intent to harass is a crime. Ramming is overt, and involves reckless endangerment.  The January 6th attack on the Capitol demonstrates how easily hate can result in violence. Trump called them patriots.

Going Deeper

Strong emotions can make it impossible to think, reason and make decisions. And the opposite of love is not hate, it is indifference. Hate is not about indifference. Hate is intense and unremitting and can easily motivate violence. Hate usually stems from fear, insecurity, or mistrust. (MedicineNet)

Hate has a very strong pull. Psychology today provided insight. Aristotle says, “hate rises without previous offense, is remorseless for the person experiencing it, incurable by time, and strives for the annihilation of its target.”

Darwin, in 1872, described hate as a feeling that lacks a distinct facial expression and manifests itself as rage.

Typically, hate is viewed as an extreme form of dislike, an amplified version of anger, disgust, or contempt and a readiness to do harm.

Psychologists believe that hate is most likely to emerge in the presence of moral violations particularly when the targets of hatred are perceived as bad, immoral, and dangerous. It is not surprising, therefore, that politicians frequently vilify their opponents using negative terms.

If you are consumed with hate it will make you crazy and old before your time. (cs&n)

According to the Psych Matters website, It’s important to note that all these reactions affect only the hater, and not the hated, breaking down your nervous – immune – and endocrine system, and your mental well-being.

Manipulated by an algorithm

Letting go of hate takes a realization that you are consumed by hate and a willingness to change. The fires that feed hate and rage on social media are unremitting. Stepping back, taking a breath is hard when all you see and hear reinforces the hatred. It is evil and it could consume all of us.

"Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath! Fret not yourself; it tends only to evil." "But you, O Lord, are a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness." "Whoever is slow to anger has great understanding, but he who has a hasty temper exalts folly." (Psalm 37)

Deflection

It's not just for relationships.

How do you know if someone is deflecting?

Here are some signs your partner may be deflecting responsibility for what goes wrong in your relationship.
It's always your fault. ...
They blame their actions on… well, everything else. ...
They blame their reactions on everything else. ...
They don't communicate their feelings… and get defensive when you do. (joinonelove.org)

How do you talk to someone who deflects?

How do you deal with deflection? The best way to deal with deflection is to communicate how you feel by having a conversation. Point out that you feel the person is deflecting their fault onto you and that it is not appreciated. (betterhelp.com)

What is narcissistic deflection

Deflecting narcissists famously use the tactic of gaslighting, making comments or asking questions for the purpose of creating doubt about your truth. They hope to introduce enough confusion that you will drop the confrontation altogether. They may say things like: “You're misquoting me." It's a Trumpist thing. The people in Trumpworld do this all the time.

When the narcissist begins to think that someone will blame them for an action, they go into self-preservation mode and will deflect all blame from themselves and onto someone else. This is where the blame-shifting happens.(Minsettherapy.com)
Need some examples? Here's some classics from Mindsettherapy.


“If you wouldn’t have said that then I wouldn’t have called you names!”

“If you weren’t always nagging me then I wouldn’t have cheated on you!”

“You always do that!”

“You didn’t ask me if I was meeting up with my ex, you asked if I was talking to my ex”

“You never loved me.”

“It is all your fault.”

“You are always screwing things up.”

“If you didn’t always make me angry then I wouldn’t hit you.”

“If you weren’t always asking me questions then I wouldn’t have been distracted and gotten the speeding ticket.”


Trump is still deflecting. He's blaming the violence at the Capitol riot on Nancy Pelosi, saying it was her fault, and only she could stop riot.  He ignores his calls to action. He ignores the sworn testimony of the Republican witnesses before the January 6th investigators. He ignores his advisors, including Bill Barr and his daughter, Ivanka, that  the election wasn't stolen. And his supporters? They lap this stuff up.

Changing the Behavior 

You and I cannot change the narcissist. It is way above our pay grade. There are reasons people might be attracted. The money, the power, the seeming command and control they have may be intoxicating. Other reasons may be low self-esteem, codependency, and naiveté. It almost always becomes an abusive relationship. What we have control over is ourselves. Recognizing the need for change requires a self realization based on the truth of the situation, and a willingness to change.