Importance of Self-Esteem

”Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.” Unknown

Honest Admission

I grew up with a low opinion of my worth. I'm not sure why. My parents made a point of reinforcing and encouraging me to build on my accomplishments. So what was the deal?

Labels

Maybe it was because I was considered slow. The word slow is filled with all the aspects of ableism. That label was damaging.  I was slow to walk and talk. My reading and math skills were below the mean. My grades suffered. As a result, I aimed low. Maybe it was fear of failure or fear of disappointment. But disappointment from what? 

Maybe I was lazy, whatever that means. My parent sent me for extensive testing, including IQ tests to see if I was actually 'slow'. The results changed everything. I wasn't slow, I was an underachiever. Oh boy! In an instant, my easy life was over. It was filled with tutors and summer school. I was sent to a new school with much higher academic standards. At first I was stretched by the experience. I was so far behind my new classmates it seemed to reinforce my feelings of low self-esteem. 

My accomplishments at that school didn't dawn on me until much later. I was not at the bottom of my class, I was in the upper half. Creativity came forward in my writing and music. It turned out I was good at sports, but not at the traditional sports. I excelled at running the mile and playing soccer. In summer I became a competitive bike racer with a string of victories and strong showings.

A Slow Process

Even with these accomplishments, my self-esteem did not blossom until I matured, after age twenty-five. I went back to school at twenty-five and things began to fall into place. And the feelings of self-worth grew quietly, from with-in, as my confidence in my abilities grew. What I thought was a measurement of my worth was wrapped up in what I perceived others might think of me. I discovered It mattered more what I thought of myself. 

What are the signs of low self-esteem? 

According to the Australian healthcare site Healthdirect, Signs of low self-esteem include:

• saying negative things and being critical about yourself.
• joking about yourself in a negative way.
• focusing on your negatives and ignoring your achievements.
• blaming yourself when things go wrong.
• thinking other people are better than you.
• thinking you don't deserve to have fun.

”Your value doesn’t decrease based on someone’s inability to see your worth.” Unknown

Building Self-Esteem

The Website skillsyouneed.com offers seven skills to build self-esteem.

1. Identify and Challenge Your Negative Beliefs. ...
2. Identify the Positive About Yourself. ...
3. Build Positive Relationships—and Avoid Negative Ones. ...
4. Give Yourself a Break. ...
5. Become More Assertive and Learn to Say No. ...
6. Improve Your Physical Health. ...
7. Take On Challenges.

Stephane Jade Wong came up with a list of 13 things that don't determine self worth in an article she wrote for Shine. "Bottom line: Your worth is entirely up to you. You are worthy because you say you're worthy and because you believe it. Look within, and trust that you are enough."

In an article for Psychology Today, Amy Morin, L.C.S.W., a psychotherapist, explains, "So often, the “stick” we’re using to measure our worth exists outside our control. We measure our worth based on the X’s on our to-do list, the number of matches on a dating app, the likes on our latest Instagram post, the promotions we receive—the list goes on and on. We tend to notice how our sense of self-worth affects us (aka those “I’m not good enough” feelings), but we rarely stop and think about how we’re doing our calculations."

It seems low self-esteem is a learned behavior, and learned behaviors can be changed.