Dealing with Racism at the Table

 You're gathered around the table. Then, somebody says something racist. Perhaps it was meant as a joke. It's mean, not humor. Unfortunately, confronting the commenter head on may not work. 

The hard part is the comment is a personal affront to your values. A response that attacks the racist won't deescalate the issue. Their reaction will be defensive, and the confrontation could easily spiral out of control. Instead focus on the issue. 

I found some replies on WebMD that don't let the offensive remark slide, but offer some space before dealing with the issue more directly.

Health & Balance/Feature Stories

What to Say When Someone Says Something Racist

Medically Reviewed by Melinda Ratini, MS, DO on July 23, 2021Written by Candina Jordan

Listen

It can be hard to know how to respond when someone makes a racist comment, especially if they are close to you or in a position of power over you. There are several different responses to racist remarks that you can use. The response you choose when talking with family members or friends may be different from that you choose when talking with a work colleague. 

Plan Ahead

It can take courage to stand up to someone who makes a racist comment or joke. Resolving to be someone who speaks up for others might help you overcome any awkwardness you feel about confronting racism. It can also help if you decide ahead of time that you won't tolerate racial slurs or derogatory remarks. ‌

It's easy to get caught off guard when you hear a derogatory remark in a situation where you aren't expecting it. You may not be able to think of an appropriate thing to say quickly enough. Memorizing some responses may help you prepare for the next time you find yourself in that situation. Pick a few phrases, and practice saying them until it feels comfortable. ‌

Here are some simple phrases you can use as responses to racist remarks: 

That's not how we do things here. 

That's not funny to me.

That sounds racist. 

That was not necessary. 

Is the person’s race relevant to your story? 

I'm sorry, what?

I need a moment to process that. 

Let's be careful that our words are respectful of everyone. 

Racial jokes are not okay. 

That comment makes me uncomfortable. 

Maybe you don't realize the impact of your words. 

If these don't work, maybe a pie fight?

Just to be clear, all that racist rhetoric used by Trump and his surrogates was not okay. It still isn't.

Does DEI instill fear? It shouldn't.

 

Diversity, equity and inclusion

Everything that made that giant tree is already contained inside this tiny little seed. All it needs is some time, a little bit of sunshine and rain, and voila!

- Flik, “A Bug’s Life” (1998) 

It is four words strung together that would offer the American dream to millions who have been systemically excluded. DEI is a term used to describe policies and programs that promote the representation and participation of different groups of individuals. DEI encompasses people of different ages, races, ethnicities, abilities, disabilities, genders, religions, cultures and sexual orientations.

The goal is aspirational. The goal is to value the gifts each of us bring to the whole. It's about the opportunity to succeed.

These goals are woven into the fabric of our country. The Declaration of Independence states three basic ideas: (1) God made all men equal and gave them the rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness; (2) the main business of government is to protect these rights; (3) if a government tries to withhold these rights, the people are free to revolt and to set up a new government. (-Britannica)

Diversity

Diversity is about what makes each of us unique and includes our backgrounds, personality, life experiences and beliefs, all of the things that make us who we are. It is a combination of our differences that shape our view of the world, our perspective and our approach (vic.gov)

Monoculturalism

In the context of cultural diversity, monoculturalism is the opposite of multiculturalism. Rather than the suppression of different ethnic groups within a given society, sometimes monoculturalism manifests as the active preservation of a country's national culture via the exclusion of external influences. A monocultural mindset is the belief that one's own culture is superior to others and that their own experiences are the definition of "normal". People with a monocultural mindset may:

See themselves as superior

Have little or nothing to learn from other cultures

Be arrogant and short-sighted

Believe that their cultural practices are superior to those of minority groups

Judge another culture based on the values and standards of one's own culture
(Online sources including Encyclopedia of Multicultural Psychology and Tracking Genocide: Persecution of the Karen in Burma". Texas international law journal.)

Equity

The term “equity” refers to fairness and justice and is distinguished from equality: Whereas equality means providing the same to all, equity means recognizing that we do not all start from the same place and must acknowledge and make adjustments to imbalances.

Inequity

Inequity, unfairness. injustice by virtue of not conforming with rules or standards of those who would keep control over others. (vocabulary.com)

Inclusion

Inclusion is seen as a universal human right. The aim of inclusion is to embrace all people irrespective of race, gender, disability, medical or other need. It is about giving equal access and opportunities and getting rid of discrimination and intolerance (removal of barriers). (inclusion.me.uk)

Exclusion

It's us vs them. All sorts of barriers are erected to keep others out. Often starting with exclusionary language goes way beyond the understanding and application of grammar. It's embedded with deeper meanings, peppered by shared history, values, experiences, class, gender, and much more, overt and covert. The goal of subverting inalienable rights has evolved into something like this. Anybody who opposes the in crowd is guided by demonic forces, and they need to be eliminated in a battle of good versus evil.

From Fast Company - The Four Reasons for DEI Backlash. (Amira Barger)

DEI threatens meritocracy.

Some opponents of DEI initiatives express fears about the possibility of “reverse discrimination.” These critics view society as a zero-sum game.

Political ideology and correctness

Of course, many misconceptions about DEI stem from misinformation. Misinformation and misunderstandings about the goals and methods of DEI often drive opposition to DEI initiatives. These efforts—specifically framing DEI as anti-white—attempt to create a narrative of preferential treatment or enforcement of ideological conformity. It is also common for people to misunderstand or conflate three key elements of DEI: equality, equity, inclusion and systemic change.

A tangential observation

Empathy

At it's worst, driving resistance to DEI is a lack of empathy for fellow human beings. The term “empathy” is used to describe a wide range of experiences. Emotion researchers generally define empathy as the ability to sense other people's emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling.

 Narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by self-absorption, grandiosity, exploitation of others and lack of empathy. People with that disorder may switch from an overt form, mainly with grandiosity, to a covert presentation, with fears, hypersensitivity and dependence from others. Empathy represents a key point in detecting people affected by narcissistic personality disorder because, even if it is described as reduced, it plays a fundamental role in exploitation and manipulation. (nih) This lack of empathy was on full display at Madison Square Garden.

“Whoever despises his neighbor is a sinner, but blessed is he who is generous to the poor.” (Proverbs 14:21)

Be still and listen

Susan Wilkinson

 After reading accounts of the Fox interview, I was struck by the interviewer's inability to set aside preconceived notions and actually listen. Why would a journalist use their platform to attack? He could have a meaningful conversation and gained insights if he had been willing to listen.

Listening is important. I found this at Deepstash.com.

The 5 Purposes Of Listening

Listening makes people feel like they matter, which in turn makes them work harder.

Arrogance talks. Humility listens. Practice humility by letting others speak.

Listen to help others learn what they really think and find clarity.

Listen to understand what needs to be acted upon.

Curiosity. Listen to ask a question.

But MAGA world doesn't want us to gain a deeper understanding. Their message is the same as the abusers manipulation of the victim. Make us fear change, make us fear differences, because they will protect us from the unknown. It is a dark message laced with anger, rage, and hate.  Belief in "I alone can fix this," is a warning that he is desperate to hold power over us. The really scary part, too many of us are buying into the abuser's message.

“Make no friendship with a man given to anger, nor go with a wrathful man, lest you learn his ways and entangle yourself in a snare” (Prov. 13:20 ).

The Fundraiser Anxiety Dream

I had that dream again. It's the fundraiser dream. We're on the air making great case arguments, followed by inspiring closes.

Nobody is calling. Nobody is pledging on-line. In a moment of clarity, I understand the audience has gone elsewhere. The CUME is down 50 percent. Time spent listening among the core has dropped from 10 hours a week to four hours a week.

I shared my concern, and got ignored. "I was too focused on the numbers."

I pointed out we couldn't be considered a community service if we aren't serving anybody. The response was cool. I don't know how it turned out. My mind moved on. The dream ended.

Then I thought, "I'm glad I don't have to do that anymore."

Must We Fear the Other?

Making a Difference

 

Speak out for those who cannot speak, for the rights of all the destitute. Speak out; judge righteously; defend the rights of the poor and needy.

- Proverbs 31:8-9

To be an activist is to speak. To be an advocate is to listen. Society can’t move forward without both.

- Eva Marie Lewis

Public Broadcasting was set up in 1967 to serve its communities with emphasis on serving the underserved. I still believe in this. I consider this to be one of my core values, and why I was drawn to public broadcasting.

Three Evils

Some Things Will Never Change

The triple evils are racism, economic exploitation, and militarism. MLK, jr.

And he went on to say, "The great problem and the great challenge facing mankind today is to get rid of war … We have left ourselves as a nation morally and politically isolated in the world."

Has anything changed?

Racism

It is still with us. FBI data released in October 2023, showed there were 11,643 reported hate crimes in 2022. Other datasets show the numbers are likely much higher. The Bureau of Justice Statistics, for example, reported U.S. residents experienced about 246,900 hate crime victimizations each year between 2005 and 2019. (USA today) Statistics show most hate crimes are based on bias against people of color.

Economic Exploitation

The wealth gap continues to grow. This is from the Federal Reserve:

Black Families’ Wealth

• Black families’ median wealth was $45,000 in 2022, growing 66% from 2019.
• As a group, Black families owned 2% of total household wealth despite making up 11% of households.
• Black families had 16 cents per dollar of white median wealth.
• The Black-white gap grew to $242,000—up $47,000 from 2019

Income inequality is a global issue with several causes, including historical racism, unequal land distribution, high inflation, and stagnant wages. As gaps increase thanks to crises like COVID-19, the world needs to take action in education, labor market policies, tax reforms, and higher wages. (various online sources)

War

Of immediate concern to Dr. King was the percentage of African Americans fighting in the Vietnam War. According to the Library of Congress, African Americans made up 31% of the ground combat troops in Vietnam, while African Americans made up 12% of the population. Most of those fighting on the ground in Vietnam were draftees. Today's army is all volunteer.  

Big picture, there was concern funding for the war took funding away from social programs. In the 60's, the government spent on both the war and domestic projects. The economy over-heated and inflation went up. The increases in the cost of living affects the poor more.

Internationally, war affects women and children the most. It also displaces people, drives immigration,  increases poverty and suffering, and causes famine.

There are more conflicts now than at any time since the Second World War. "Deputy Secretary-General Amina J. Mohammed, stating that peace — the United Nations’ raison d’être — “is now under grave threat”, observed that people’s sense of safety and security is at an all-time low in almost every country.  Six out of seven worldwide are plagued by feelings of insecurity, the world is facing the highest number of violent conflicts since the Second World War and 2 billion people — a quarter of humanity — live in places affected by such conflict.  Recalling the Secretary-General’s words that “the world is at a key inflection point in history,” she underscored the need to rethink efforts to achieve sustainable peace." (United Nations)

Can things change? Yes! Will it be easy? No! Change I'll come about if we address the root causes of war. What? King would refer you back to the first two Evils on his list. West Point offers more perspective: Bumbling leaders, ancient hatreds, intransigent ideologies, dire poverty, historic injustices, and a huge supply of weapons and impressionable young men.

The Harvard Business Review (Ross Kanter) came up with ten reasons people resist change. The application was for business change, but I think the same reasons apply to social change.

Loss of control

Excess uncertainty

Surprise! surprise!

Everything seems different

Loss of face

Concerns about competence

More work

Ripple effects

Past resentments

Sometimes the threat is real 

Without change, there can be no progress. If there is no change, the number affected will climb beyond two billion. The world will be at war.